1
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,270
( cash register rings )
2
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,288
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
3
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,879
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY,
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
4
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,280
♪ GOING UP... ♪
5
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:23,288
IT'S NEARLY 8:30. YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE FINISHED ON THE FLOOR BY NOW.
6
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,657
WE'RE NOT USED TO
COMING TO WORK THIS EARLY.
7
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,592
MY OLD MAN HAD A
FIT WITH HIS LEG UP.
8
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,528
HAD TO GET HIS OWN BREAKFAST.
9
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:32,231
IF YOU ASK ME, IT'S RIDICULOUS
OPENING THE SHOP AT THIS HOUR.
10
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,966
WHO WANTS TO GO SHOPPING AT
HALF PAST 8:00 IN THE MORNING?
11
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,514
ONE HAS TO EXPERIMENT. THAT'S
WHY WE BUILT THE CONCORDE.
12
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,004
HEAR THAT, ETHEL?
13
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,973
HE'LL HAVE US COMING TO
WORK ON THE CONCORDE NEXT.
14
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,222
GOOD MORNING, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
15
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,711
GOOD MORNING, MR. RUMBOLD.
16
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,058
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?
17
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,516
A CUP OF COFFEE AND
WHAT WAS DESCRIBED
18
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,085
AT FRED'S CAFE AS A BACON BUTTY.
19
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,089
BUT I THOUGHT MRS. PEACOCK
ALWAYS GOT YOUR BREAKFAST?
20
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,391
NOT AT 0600 HOURS.
21
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,438
WHEN I TRIED TO WAKE HER UP,
22
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,740
SHE TURNED OVER AND
MURMURED SOMETHING
23
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,898
WHICH SOUNDED REMARKABLY
LIKE, "GET KNOTTED."
24
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,001
STILL, I'M SURE THE EARLY
START WILL PAY DIVIDEND.
25
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:15,274
WHAT DID I TELL YOU? WE'VE
GOT A CUSTOMER ALREADY.
26
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,209
CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
27
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,445
DON'T BE DAFT. IT'S ME.
28
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:24,516
MY DAD GAVE US A LIFT IN ON
THE BACK OF HIS MOTORBIKE.
29
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,585
WE PICKED UP MRS.
SLOCOMBE ON THE WAY.
30
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:30,089
THAT'S RATHER DANGEROUS...
THREE OF YOU ON A MOTORCYCLE.
31
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,891
SHE WAS IN THE SIDECAR.
32
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,303
THAT IS THE LAST TIME.
33
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,872
WHEN YOU SAID
HE WAS A T.T. RIDER,
34
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,742
I THOUGHT YOU
MEANT HE DIDN'T DRINK.
35
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:54,113
I TOLD YOU TO FACE THE FRONT.
36
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,350
I COULDN'T BEAR TO
SEE WHERE I WAS GOING.
37
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:01,339
OH, IT'S GOING TO COST ME A
FORTUNE AT MADAM BERYL'S
38
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:03,622
TO GET THIS KNOT
BACK INTO SHAPE.
39
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,057
AT LEAST YOU'RE HERE
ON TIME, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
40
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,026
TIME FOR WHAT?
41
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,662
THERE WON'T BE ANY
CUSTOMERS, YOU KNOW.
42
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,698
AND WHAT IT'S DOING TO MY
DOMESTIC ARRANGEMENTS...
43
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,967
HAVING A BATH AT
6:00 IN THE MORNING,
44
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,836
PLAYED HAVOC WITH MY PUSSY.
45
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:23,342
HE SLEEPS IN THE
AIRING CUPBOARD,
46
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,778
AND THE GURGLING OF
THE TANK WOKE HIM UP.
47
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:30,715
AH, MR. GRAINGER,
RELIABLE AS EVER.
48
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,718
I'VE HAD A MOST
UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE.
49
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,720
MRS. GRAINGER HIT
ME OVER THE HEAD
50
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:38,190
WITH A BOTTLE OF BISMUTH.
51
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,925
DIDN'T YOUR WIFE WANT TO
COOK YOUR BREAKFAST EITHER?
52
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,062
NO, BUT APPARENTLY
WHEN I WOKE HER UP,
53
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:48,033
SHE WAS DREAMING SHE
WAS ON ERROL FLYNN'S YACHT.
54
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,880
WAS SHE HIS GIRLFRIEND?
55
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,205
NO, IT WAS MUCH MORE
COMPLICATED THAN THAT.
56
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,906
SHE WAS ERROL FLYNN.
57
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:59,756
I SHALL HAVE TO SORT IT
ALL OUT WHEN I GET HOME.
58
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:03,382
AH, WELL. ONLY MR. HUMPHRIES
AND MR. LUCAS TO COME.
59
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,295
MR. HUMPHRIES
MAY BE A LITTLE LATE.
60
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,597
HE WAS GOING AWAY FOR
THE WEEKEND, I BELIEVE.
61
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:11,323
I HOPE WE'LL ALL CONTINUE TO MAKE A
SPECIAL EFFORT TO GET HERE ON TIME,
62
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,292
BECAUSE I'M SURE
THAT THE SALES FIGURES
63
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,360
RESULTING FROM THE EARLY OPENING
64
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,696
WILL FULLY JUSTIFY MY
FAITH IN THE NEW SYSTEM.
65
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,667
ALL ABOARD.
66
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,868
AH, FUNNY BOY.
67
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,188
YOU'RE NOT JOINING UP, ARE YOU?
68
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,044
OF COURSE I'M NOT JOINING UP.
69
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:37,949
IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET FROM
NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING.
70
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,819
PEOPLE ARE VERY KIND TO
THE SERVICES, YOU KNOW.
71
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,255
YOU WERE LUCKY
TO GET AWAY WITH IT.
72
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,824
YOU SHOULD HAVE THE NAME OF
YOUR SHIP ON YOUR HEADBAND.
73
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,426
IF THE NAVAL POLICE
HAD SPOTTED THAT,
74
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:48,760
YOU'D HAVE GOT INTO TROUBLE.
75
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,207
I'D HAVE GOT INTO WORSE TROUBLE
76
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,108
IF THEY'D SEEN
WHAT WAS ON BEFORE.
77
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,766
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- "KISS ME QUICK."
78
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,606
Mrs. Slocombe: DIDN'T ANYONE
THINK THE UMBRELLA WAS PECULIAR?
79
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,519
OH, YES, BUT WHEN
THEY QUESTIONED IT,
80
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:05,288
I SAID IT WAS TO KEEP MY
HAIR DRY IN THE FAIR ISLES.
81
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:08,480
I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T
WEAR THE WHOLE UNIFORM.
82
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:11,683
I USED TO, BUT PEOPLE KEPT WANTING
TO TOUCH MY COLLAR FOR LUCK.
83
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,686
I BET YOU MET A LOT
OF NICE GIRLS THAT WAY.
84
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,887
I DID.
85
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,189
NOT TO MENTION A
ROVING REPORTER,
86
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,225
A TRENDY BISHOP,
A STRING-VESTITE
87
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:23,295
AND A DUSTMAN WITH A VERY
INTERESTING TALE TO TELL.
88
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,597
( bell rings )
89
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,766
PLACES, EVERYBODY.
90
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,768
OH, COME ON, ETHEL, TEA UP!
91
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,170
MRS. SLOCOMBE, UNCOVER
YOUR BUST, PLEASE.
92
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:35,173
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
93
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,176
YOUR COUNTER BUST.
WE'RE OPEN FOR BUSINESS.
94
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:39,778
OH, YES, OF COURSE.
95
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,680
UM, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
96
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:44,683
I DON'T WANT TO BE A TELLTALE,
97
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,686
BUT OUR MR. LUCAS IS NOT IN YET.
98
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:50,756
ISN'T THAT CORRECT,
MR. HUMPHRIES?
99
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,190
YES, THAT'S CORRECT.
100
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,792
I'M QUITE AWARE
OF THE SITUATION,
101
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,927
BUT YOU DID RIGHT TO
BRING IT TO MY ATTENTION.
102
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,829
I JUST HOPE HE
HAS A GOOD EXCUSE.
103
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,566
( razor buzzing )
104
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,235
GOOD MORNING, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
105
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,505
YOU'RE NEVER GOING
TO BELIEVE THIS,
106
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,118
BUT MY POOR OLD CRIPPLED
MOTHER OVERSLEPT THIS MORNING
107
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,987
AND SHE FORGOT TO WAKE ME UP.
108
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,811
THEN I MISSED THE BUS.
109
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,280
SO SHE HAD TO GIVE ME A
LIFT IN HER INVALID CARRIAGE.
110
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,927
I KEPT TELLING HER TO PUT
HER FOOT DOWN... HER GOOD ONE.
111
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:21,019
THE POLICE STOPPED HER FOR
SPEEDING AND GAVE HER A BREATHALYZER.
112
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:24,423
UNFORTUNATELY, SHE ONLY HAD TIME
TO COOK MY BREAKFAST THIS MORNING.
113
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,203
ALL SHE HAD WAS A QUICK LIQUEUR
CHOCOLATE ON THE WAY OUT.
114
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,706
IT WAS STILL ON HER BREATH
WHEN SHE BLEW UP THE BAG.
115
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:32,141
BY THE TIME I'D BEEN TO BOW
STREET AND BAILED HER OUT,
116
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,445
I WAS VERY NEARLY LATE.
117
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,735
YOU ARE LATE, MR. LUCAS.
118
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,282
THAT'S BECAUSE I MET YOUNG
MR. GRACE ON THE GROUND FLOOR.
119
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:41,184
"GOOD MORNING,
MR. LUCAS," HE SAID,
120
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,052
"HOW CLEVER OF YOU
TO GET HERE ON TIME."
121
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,811
BY THE TIME I TOLD HIM
HOW I WAS VERY NEARLY LATE,
122
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,613
I WAS. GO ON, YOU CAN ASK HIM.
123
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,182
AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE
SHAVED BEFORE YOU LEFT HOME.
124
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,862
I'VE BEEN SHAVING
ALL MORNING, SIR.
125
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,997
IT'S THE BATTERIES,
THEY'RE GETTING A BIT LOW.
126
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:58,221
MY MOTHER USES THEM DURING
THE WEEK IN HER DEAF AID.
127
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,194
- HOW DID IT SOUND?
- WONDERFUL.
128
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:05,364
MAKES DR. WHO'S ADVENTURES
SEEM QUITE NORMAL.
129
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:08,500
IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN THE ONE
ABOUT YOU HELPING TO DELIVER A BABY
130
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,870
FOR A TITLED LADY ON A BICYCLE
THAT HAD TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS.
131
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,016
HERE WE ARE, 8:30
IN THE MORNING.
132
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,786
WHEN'S IT ALL GOING TO START?
WHEN'S THE RUSH GOING TO HAPPEN?
133
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,710
TO QUOTE MR. RUMBOLD,
134
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,713
THE CREATIVE PLATFORM
THAT THIS IDEA IS BUILT UPON
135
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,982
IS BASED ON THE PREMISE
THAT BY OPENING EARLIER,
136
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,351
WE SHALL CATCH CUSTOMERS
ON THE WAY TO WORK.
137
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:30,054
ALL WE'RE LIKELY TO SELL AT THIS
HOUR OF THE MORNING ARE MONKEY NUTS.
138
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,758
IF YOU ASK ME, PEOPLE
ON THEIR WAY TO WORK
139
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,559
WON'T HAVE TIME TO BUY ANYTHING.
140
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:38,541
GOOD MORNING, SIR. ARE
YOU BEING... OH, YOU ARE.
141
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,032
CHECK SUIT ON THE
DUMMY IN THE WINDOW,
142
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,368
£32, SIZE 38.
143
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,669
CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
144
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,237
THAT'S IT!
145
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:50,742
OH, THE CHECK, YES. THAT'S A NEW
LINE, AND VERY POPULAR INDEED.
146
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:57,215
IT'S PRESHRUNK WOOL
AND 50% MANMADE FIBER,
147
00:06:57,284 --> 00:07:00,786
AND THEN YOU... UH,
YOU... MR. GRAINGER!
148
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,755
NOT WHEN I'M SELLING,
MR. HUMPHRIES, PLEASE.
149
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:06,758
YOU'VE SOLD,
MR. GRAINGER. HE'S GONE.
150
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,227
BUT I NEVER TOLD HIM
151
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,474
THE SLEEVES WOULD
RIDE UP WITH WEAR.
152
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,938
GLASS OF WATER FOR MR. GRAINGER.
153
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:18,303
GOOD MORNING, SIR.
154
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,783
- GLOVES.
- SIZE?
155
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,473
SEASONABLE WEATHER.
156
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,007
LARGE.
157
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,120
- COLOR?
- BLACK.
158
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,977
ONE LARGE BLACK.
159
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,247
HUH. FITS. HOW MUCH?
160
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:30,381
£5.
161
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:33,452
I SEE THAT YOU'RE
INTERESTED IN GLOVES, SIR.
162
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:47,231
THE GENTLEMAN IS INTERESTED
IN GLOVES, MR. LUCAS.
163
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,835
IT'S ALL OVER, MR. GRAINGER!
164
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,302
( telephone buzzes )
165
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,004
OHH, BLIMEY.
166
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,842
( high voice ) HELLO, MENSWEAR.
167
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,811
NO, THIS IS NOT MR. HUMPHRIES!
168
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,847
IT'S FOR YOU. IT'S A LADY.
169
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,415
THERE'S NO NEED TO
SOUND SO SURPRISED.
170
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,317
HELLO?
171
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,353
OH, HELLO, MOTHER.
172
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,633
YES, OF COURSE I'M ALL RIGHT.
173
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,902
SHE CAME TO STAY
WITH ME LAST NIGHT,
174
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,871
FOUND THAT I WASN'T IN BED.
175
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,094
YES, DEAR.
176
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,374
I PUT MY PAJAMAS ON THE BOLSTER
177
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:22,367
SO YOU'D THINK IT WAS ME
IN BED WHEN YOU ARRIVED.
178
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,870
HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WASN'T?
179
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:28,339
I DON'T SLEEP WITH
PADDINGTON BEAR ANYMORE.
180
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:31,877
HIS WELLINGTONS WERE SO COLD.
181
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:35,881
NO, NO, NO. I'D BEEN
HITCHHIKING DRESSED AS A SAILOR.
182
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,382
FOR A PARTY.
183
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,351
WAS IT FOR A PARTY
THE LAST TIME AS WELL?
184
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,921
OH, MOTHER, NOW, I AM OVER 21.
185
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,056
WELL OVER.
186
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:49,060
YES, OF COURSE I'M
STILL YOUR LITTLE BOY.
187
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:52,030
NO, I HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
188
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,032
WELL, NOT MUCH.
189
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,068
I CAN'T HELP IT IF
I'M POPULAR, CAN I?
190
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,403
OOH, THAT REMINDS ME.
191
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:01,072
IF A MAN RINGS UP WITH
A SCOTTISH ACCENT,
192
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:04,576
YOU'RE THE CLEANER AND
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF ME.
193
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,577
MM-HMM.
194
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,046
NO, I DON'T OWE HIM ANY MONEY.
195
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,048
I DON'T OWE HIM ANYTHING.
196
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,161
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THERE'S SOMEONE
197
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:15,086
COMING UP THE
GARDEN PATH IN A KILT?
198
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:18,089
LOCK THE DOOR AND
HIDE IN THE CUPBOARD.
199
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,136
I'LL PHONE YOU
BEFORE I LEAVE HERE.
200
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,138
WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T OPEN THE DOOR
201
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,974
UNLESS IT'S A YOUNG POLICEMAN
CARRYING A ROLLED UMBRELLA.
202
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:30,168
IF I CAN BORROW A HELMET FROM
THE TOY DEPARTMENT, THAT'LL BE ME.
203
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,849
TAKE THE PHONE INTO
THE CUPBOARD WITH YOU.
204
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,439
BYE.
205
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,374
IT'S ALL GO AT
YOUR PLACE, ISN'T IT?
206
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,944
YES, AND IT'S ONLY MONDAY.
207
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,446
THIS EARLY-MORNING
OPENING SEEMS TO BE WORKING.
208
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,715
THEY'VE TAKEN ALMOST
40 QUID OVER THERE,
209
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,984
AND THAT'S BEFORE
THEY'VE UNLOCKED THE TILL.
210
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,831
THAT WON'T HAPPEN
OVER HERE, MISS BRAHMS.
211
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,956
SHOPPING IS AN ART.
212
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:54,593
WOMEN LIKE TO TAKE THEIR
TIME TO ASSESS THE GOODS
213
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,427
AND MAKE A DECISION.
214
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:59,408
MEN JUST SEE SOMETHING THEY
WANT AND GRAB AHOLD OF IT.
215
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,133
- HADN'T YOU NOTICED?
- YES, I HAD.
216
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,736
IT HAPPENED TO ME
IN THE PUB LAST NIGHT.
217
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,871
- IT DIDN'T, DID IT?
- MMM.
218
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,140
THERE WAS THIS BLOKE
WITH THIS OPEN-NECK SHIRT
219
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,275
AND A HAIRY CHEST
WITH BIG MUSCLES.
220
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,979
THE PUB WAS JAM-PACKED,
AND I WAS WEARING...
221
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,649
JUST A MINUTE. HOW
OLD WAS THIS MAN?
222
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,051
OH, HE MUST HAVE
BEEN 40 IF HE WAS A DAY.
223
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,988
OH, QUITE YOUNG, REALLY. GO ON.
224
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,923
I WAS WEARING MY
SKINTIGHT JEANS,
225
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,291
THOSE ONES WITH THE
FALSE PATCH JUST THERE.
226
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,494
"BLIMEY," HE SAYS,
"THERE'S A STITCH GOING,"
227
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,529
GRABS HOLD AND WON'T LET GO.
228
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,832
OH, JUST IMAGINE. GO ON.
229
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,534
I DIDN'T WANT TO SHOUT AND
MAKE A FUSS OR ANYTHING.
230
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:39,738
NO, ONE DOESN'T, DOES
ONE? SO WHAT DID YOU DO?
231
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,907
I ORDERED A LARGE GIN
AND TONIC WITH A LOT OF ICE,
232
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,442
PUT IT ON HIS BILL,
233
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,911
AND POURED IT DOWN THE
FRONT OF HIS TROUSERS.
234
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,346
THAT GOT HIS HAND OFF.
235
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:53,284
DON'T SOME MEN TAKE
TERRIBLE LIBERTIES?
236
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:56,721
WHERE EXACTLY IS THIS PUB?
237
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,903
GOOD MORNING,
MADAM. CAN I HELP YOU?
238
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,427
HATS... LADIES'.
239
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,996
HURRY.
240
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,643
WHERE WOULD MADAM
LIKE TO BE DIRECTED FIRST,
241
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,344
TO THE HATS OR THE LADIES'?
242
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,501
NO, NO, LADIES' HATS.
243
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,403
WEDDING.
244
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,205
COUNTER, THERE.
245
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:17,942
GOOD MORNING, MADAM. NOT
A VERY NICE MORNING, IS IT?
246
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,343
GUEST AT A WEDDING.
247
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,745
10:30.
248
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,013
NEED A HAT.
249
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,115
OH, DO HURRY, PLEASE. I'M LATE.
250
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,718
MILLINERY... OCCASION,
MISS BRAHMS.
251
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,219
THIS WAY.
252
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,069
AH, THIS IS THE
LAST ONE OF THESE.
253
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,571
IT WAS A VERY EXCLUSIVE LINE.
254
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,915
OH, THAT DOES SUIT MADAM.
255
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,901
OH, THAT DOES SUIT MADAM.
256
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,572
OH, THAT DOES SUIT MADAM.
257
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:51,810
OH, THAT DOES SUIT MADAM.
258
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,947
OH, THAT DOES SUIT MADAM.
259
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,417
OOH.
260
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,430
OH, THAT DOES SUIT MADAM.
261
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,300
MRS. SLOCOMBE, YOUR
NEEDLE'S STUCK IN THE GROOVE.
262
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,258
I JUST CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND.
263
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,659
HOW MUCH ARE THEY?
264
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,762
THEY'RE ALL £5.
265
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:15,066
I'LL TAKE THE LOT.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
266
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:18,803
THAT'S, UH, £20.
267
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,973
RIGHT. THANKS.
268
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:26,344
WELL! DID YOU EVER
SEE ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
269
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,712
WHAT WAS THAT?
270
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,614
THE 8.50 NIGHTIE.
271
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,350
IT WAS PROBABLY THE 10:30 BRIDE.
272
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,321
YES, VERY SATISFACTORY.
273
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,791
ARE YOU REFERRING TO
THE QUEEN PUDDING, SIR?
274
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,292
NO. NO.
275
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:45,063
NO. THE REMARKABLE JUMP IN
SALES FIGURES THIS MORNING.
276
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,899
IT'S VERY GRATIFYING WHEN ONE
PLAYS A HUNCH AND IT COMES OFF.
277
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,367
YES, SIR.
278
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,547
IT'S THE SORT OF THING
THAT MADE CHURCHILL GREAT.
279
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:54,005
THE RIGHT DECISION
TAKEN AT THE RIGHT TIME.
280
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,914
TURNING DEFEAT INTO VICTORY.
281
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:58,988
IT'S AN ABILITY I PUT TO VERY
GOOD USE IN THE WAR, IN THE ARMY.
282
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:02,446
THERE MUST BE TIMES WHEN YOU
MISS THE CATERING CORPS, SIR.
283
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,218
YES.
284
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,221
I MUST SAY, THE STAFF
DON'T LOOK TOO HAPPY.
285
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,269
I THINK WE'RE ALL JUST GETTING
OVER THE EARLY START, SIR.
286
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,959
STILL, THEY'LL SOON SETTLE DOWN.
287
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,761
HOW'S YOUR QUEEN PUDDING?
288
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:20,190
IT HASN'T QUITE
FULFILLED ITS PROMISE.
289
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:25,804
I DON'T KNOW...
290
00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:28,273
IT PROMISED TO BE
AWFUL, AND IT'S DISGUSTING.
291
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,842
IT'S THIS CUSTARD...
IT LACKS DEFINITION.
292
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,278
IT'S MORE LIKE DISTEMPER.
293
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,013
WHAT IS CUSTARD?
294
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:38,549
REAL CUSTARD IS MADE
WITH NEW-LAID EGGS,
295
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,584
FRESH, CREAMY MILK,
296
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,586
AND REFINED CASTOR SUGAR.
297
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,868
THIS LOT'S MADE OF EDIBLE
STARCH, COLORING, FLAVORING,
298
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:48,759
AND MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE.
299
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,295
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
300
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,308
THE LIBRARY WAS
SHUT THE OTHER DAY,
301
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,533
SO I READ THE
PACKETS IN MY PANTRY.
302
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:58,536
IT'S NO GOOD. I'LL
JUST HAVE TO EAT IT.
303
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:01,039
IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG
TIME SINCE BREAKFAST.
304
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,786
I HOPE WE DON'T GO ON WITH
THIS EARLY-MORNING EXPERIMENT.
305
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,211
THE WAY I SEE IT,
THEY'RE BOUND TO.
306
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,080
HOW DO YOU ARRIVE
AT THAT HYPOTHESIS?
307
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:14,986
- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- I WON'T SAY THAT AGAIN.
308
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,056
MY TEETH ARE CAUGHT
UP WITH THIS CUSTARD.
309
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:23,194
IT STANDS TO REASON, DOESN'T IT?
310
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,197
LOOK AT THE SALES WE
MADE IN THE FIRST HALF-HOUR.
311
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,199
WE WERE 100 QUID
UP THIS MORNING.
312
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,800
WE WEREN'T FAR SHORT.
313
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:33,838
IF WE GO ON LIKE THIS AT THE END
OF THE DAY AND WE'RE UP THAT MUCH,
314
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:37,208
THIS EARLY-MORNING START
COULD BECOME A WAY OF LIFE.
315
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,722
IF IT DOES, I SHALL HAVE
TO CHANGE MY MILKMAN.
316
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,157
HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT OUT?
317
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,814
THIS MORNING WAS THE FIRST TIME
318
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,294
I'D MET HIM FACE TO FACE,
319
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:48,319
AND IT WAS A VERY
NASTY EXPERIENCE.
320
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,234
I THINK HE'D BEEN TO SEE ONE
OF THOSE FILMS, YOU KNOW...
321
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,835
"CONFESSIONS OF A MILKMAN."
322
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:55,826
IF HE HADN'T HAD HIS HANDS
FULL OF RASPBERRY YOGURT,
323
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,529
I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
HERE TO TELL THE TALE.
324
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,899
WHAT DID WE TAKE LAST MONDAY?
325
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,667
I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DID WE
TAKE LAST MONDAY, MR. GRAINGER?
326
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,736
OH, DON'T ASK ME.
327
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:09,107
MY MEMORY'S LIKE
A... LIKE A... LIKE A...
328
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,642
- LIKE A SIEVE.
- THANK YOU, MR. LUCAS.
329
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,145
ALL WE GOT TO DO IS FIND OUT
330
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,148
WHAT WE DID TAKE LAST
MONDAY AND THEN KEEP BELOW IT.
331
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:20,151
BUT OLD JUG EARS KEEPS
ALL THE FIGURES IN HIS OFFICE.
332
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,098
SOMEONE WILL
HAVE TO HAVE A PEEP.
333
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,254
HOW?
334
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:25,356
SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO
GET HIM OUT OF HIS OFFICE.
335
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,393
THEN WHILE HE'S OUT, ONE OF US
CAN NIP IN AND NIP THROUGH HIS FILES.
336
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,930
IT'S JUST THE SORT OF THING THAT
BULLDOG DRUMMOND WOULD HAVE DONE
337
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:35,400
WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO
OUTWIT OSCAR PETERSON.
338
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,937
YOU MEAN CARL PETERSON.
OSCAR PETERSON PLAYS THE PIANO.
339
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:44,075
HE DIDN'T PLAY THE PIANO WHEN
BULLDOG DRUMMOND WAS THERE.
340
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,645
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M MAKING A DICE
OUT OF THIS SUGAR CUBE.
341
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:48,879
WE'LL THROW IT.
342
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,082
WHOEVER GETS THE SMALLEST
NUMBER DOES THE DEED.
343
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,483
OH, ISN'T IT EXCITING?
344
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:55,153
- MR. GRAINGER, YOU GO FIRST.
- WHAT IS THIS?
345
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:56,821
I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.
346
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:59,057
JUST PUT THE SUGAR
IN THE CUP AND SHAKE IT.
347
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,696
MRS. SLOCOMBE,
EVERYTHING'S FIXED.
348
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:08,532
NOW, LOOK. YOU PHONE UP
RUMBOLD AND GET HIM OUT HERE,
349
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,968
AND LEAVE THE REST TO ME.
350
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,236
OUT AND ROGER.
351
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:18,809
WOULD YOU CONNECT ME
WITH MR. RUMBOLD, PLEASE?
352
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,911
( phone rings )
353
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,680
RUMBOLD HERE.
354
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:26,184
( high squeaky voice )
YOU DON'T KNOW ME,
355
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:30,788
BUT I SPOTTED YOU AT THE
SQUASH CLUB LAST NIGHT.
356
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,291
OH, YES? WHAT IS THE
NATURE OF YOUR INQUIRY?
357
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,728
I WAS IN THE GALLERY, AND I
COULDN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU.
358
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,866
Rumbold: To whom am I speaking?
359
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,980
OH, YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE NOTICED LITTLE ME.
360
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,371
I'M ONLY 21 WITH
LONG BLONDE HAIR
361
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,906
AND A 40-INCH BUST.
362
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:51,988
BUT OUR EYES DID MEET
BRIEFLY FOR A SECOND
363
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,456
WHEN YOU LEAPT IN THE AIR
364
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,458
AND HIT THAT WINNING SHOT.
365
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:59,150
YOU HAVE TERRIBLY
EXCITING KNEES.
366
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,684
UH... HOLD ON.
367
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,686
HAVE I GOT THIS RIGHT?
368
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,566
YOU'RE 4O WITH A 21-INCH BUST...
369
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,535
NO, IT'S THE OTHER WAY ROUND!
370
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,859
WHAT'S THE OTHER WAY ROUND?
371
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,196
OH, NEVER MIND.
372
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:15,433
THE FACT IS THAT
I MADE INQUIRIES,
373
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,102
AND I FOUND OUT WHERE
YOUR PLACE OF WORK WAS,
374
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,603
AND I MUST SPEAK TO YOU
375
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,973
BECAUSE I'VE GOT THIS THING
ABOUT BALD-HEADED MEN.
376
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,143
Rumbold: But I'm
happily married.
377
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:29,480
I'VE GOT THIS THING ABOUT
HAPPILY MARRIED BALD-HEADED MEN.
378
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,882
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
IN THAT, YOU KNOW.
379
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:34,663
Slocombe: I'm coming
to see you in your office.
380
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,598
GOOD HEAVENS, ARE
YOU IN THE BUILDING?
381
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,834
YES, I'M IN THE RESTAURANT.
382
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,224
MORE TEA, DEAR?
383
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,571
HOLD ON, HOLD ON. YOU
CAN'T COME DOWN HERE.
384
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,773
Slocombe: I'll see you
in a minute, my sweet.
385
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,397
MEET ME AT THE LIFT.
386
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,444
Rumbold: Wait, but
how shall I know you?
387
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:52,070
I'LL JUST GO OVER MY
VITAL STATISTICS AGAIN.
388
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:56,107
I'M 21, WITH BLUE EYES,
LONG BLONDE HAIR,
389
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:59,410
A TINY WAIST, AND
A 40-INCH BUST.
390
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,112
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
391
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,013
( normal voice ) GOODBYE, ETHEL.
392
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,849
MRS. SLOCOMBE,
393
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,464
WE DO NOT MAKE PERSONAL
CALLS ON THE FIRM'S TIME,
394
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:12,323
NEITHER DO WE CONTRAVENE
THE TRADES DESCRIPTIONS ACT.
395
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,628
- HERE HE COMES.
- WELL, GO ON, THEN.
396
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,010
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, SIR?
397
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,091
OH, YES, YES, YES. I WAS JUST...
398
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,515
COUNTING THE CUSTOMERS.
399
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,119
AT THE MOMENT, WE HAVE ONE THERE
400
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:42,453
AND ONE OVER THERE.
401
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:45,123
GOOD, I'LL MAKE A NOTE OF THAT.
402
00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:47,391
CARRY ON, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
403
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,241
CARRY ON, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
404
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,698
I AM CARRYING ON, SIR.
405
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,400
THIS IS WHAT I DO.
406
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:58,714
WHAT, ALL DAY?
407
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,304
ALL DAY.
408
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,761
I'LL MAKE A NOTE
OF THAT AS WELL.
409
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,278
( telephone rings )
410
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,515
FIGURES...
411
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,620
I HEARD THE PHONE RINGING,
SO I CAME IN TO ANSWER IT
412
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,321
IN CASE IT WAS
URGENT, MR. RUMBOLD.
413
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,890
- WHY HAVEN'T YOU
ANSWERED IT?
- YES.
414
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,560
I SUDDENLY THOUGHT TO MYSELF,
PERHAPS IT'S A PRIVATE CALL,
415
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,163
AND MR. RUMBOLD WON'T WANT
ME TO ANSWER IT, I THOUGHT.
416
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:28,633
ANSWER IT NOW AND
ASK THEM IF THEY'RE 21,
417
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:31,101
WITH LONG, BLONDE
HAIR AND A 40-INCH BUST.
418
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:34,131
ARE YOU 21 WITH LONG,
BLONDE HAIR AND A 40-INCH BUST?
419
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,006
NO, NO, NO.
420
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,211
I'M... I'M 80,
421
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,280
WITH SHORT, WHITE
HAIR AND, UH...
422
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:45,449
HARDLY ANY BUST AT ALL.
423
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,619
- I'VE GOT IT.
- QUICK, BEFORE PEACOCK
GETS BACK FROM HIS BREAK.
424
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,522
- NOW, WHAT WAS IT?
- LAST MONDAY, 325.
425
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,524
AND WHAT HAVE WE TAKEN SO FAR?
426
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,693
I'M UP TO 170 ALREADY.
427
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:58,374
AND WE'RE 150, AND IT'S
ALREADY HALF PAST 2:00.
428
00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,542
Lucas: ANY SUGGESTIONS?
429
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,098
COULDN'T WE CLOSE?
430
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,646
NO, BUT YOU'VE GIVEN ME AN
IDEA. WE COULD STOP SELLING.
431
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:07,305
STOP SELLING? HOW CAN YOU STOP
SELLING IF PEOPLE COME IN TO BUY?
432
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,084
IT'S QUITE EASY. PUT THEM OFF.
433
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,040
HOW?
434
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,009
WELL, THAT'S EASY.
435
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:14,612
INSTEAD OF PUSHING THINGS,
YOU DO THE OPPOSITE. COME ON.
436
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,928
GOOD AFTERNOON,
SIR. MAY I HELP YOU?
437
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,353
NO, YOUR ASSISTANT IS
ATTENDING TO MY WIFE.
438
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,154
SHE'S BUYING AN EVENING DRESS.
439
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,391
AN EVENING DRESS?
ABOUT WHAT PRICE RANGE?
440
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,827
£95.
441
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,864
95... EXCUSE ME. MISS BRAHMS!
442
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,033
- YES, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
- HOW'S THE SALE GOING?
443
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,413
OH, SHE LOOKS LOVELY IN IT.
444
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,980
IF YOU SELL IT, WE'RE DONE.
445
00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:40,638
BUT SHE LIKES IT.
446
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:43,073
I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET.
447
00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:46,110
DO COME OUT WHEN
YOU'RE READY, MADAM.
448
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:50,726
WELL, HENRY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
449
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,451
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
450
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:55,453
YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT.
451
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,233
YOU'VE GOT TO WEAR IT.
452
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,668
I THINK MADAM LOOKS
QUITE ENCHANTING.
453
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,825
IT'S A DELIGHTFUL GARMENT.
454
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:05,796
I'M AFRAID MADAM'S
HUSBAND ISN'T QUITE SO SURE,
455
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,333
AND I'M INCLINED
TO AGREE WITH HIM.
456
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,113
I DIDN'T SAY I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
457
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,337
NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU
MUST SPEAK YOUR MIND.
458
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:15,451
I THINK MADAM
CARRIES IT VERY WELL.
459
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,074
OH, THANK YOU.
460
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:19,644
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THE COLOR, SIR?
461
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:22,291
NOW YOU'VE MENTIONED
IT, IT IS A BIT BOLD.
462
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:24,749
I THINK MADAM CAN GET
AWAY WITH A BOLD COLOR.
463
00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:27,151
SHE'LL CERTAINLY BE NOTICED.
464
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,121
MAY I INQUIRE WHAT
THE FUNCTION IS?
465
00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:32,601
IT'S THE FIRM'S DANCE.
466
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,202
YOU'LL BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL.
467
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:36,794
AND IS SIR THE
MANAGING DIRECTOR?
468
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:39,397
NO, I'M MANAGER OF ACCOUNTS.
469
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:41,499
IF I MAY SAY SO,
470
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,801
ONE HAS TO BE CAREFUL
NOT TO OUTSHINE
471
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,604
ONE'S SUPERIORS'
WIVES AT THESE DOs.
472
00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:49,913
ON THE OTHER HAND, A MAN
IS OFTEN JUDGED BY HIS WIFE.
473
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:52,042
IT DOESN'T PAY TO
BE TOO FLAMBOYANT
474
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:54,745
WHEN YOU'RE HANDLING
THE FIRM'S MONEY.
475
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,625
MRS. SLOCOMBE, I
AM NOT SUGGESTING
476
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,761
THAT THE GENTLEMAN HAS
BEEN DIPPING IN THE TILL.
477
00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:01,419
THEN HOW CAN HE
AFFORD A DRESS LIKE THAT?
478
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:03,987
I'VE BEEN VERY
CAREFUL ALL MY LIFE.
479
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:05,556
DON'T CALL PAYING £95
480
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:08,225
FOR A DRESS FOR ONE
OCCASION CAREFUL.
481
00:22:08,294 --> 00:22:11,895
BUT IF MADAM IS HAPPY,
THEN NO PRICE IS TOO GREAT.
482
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,364
HE'S NOT DOING IT FOR HER.
483
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,466
HE'S PANDERING TO HIS OWN EGO...
484
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,835
SHOWING OFF IN
FRONT OF THE BOYS.
485
00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:20,338
IT WAS YOUR IDEA, HENRY.
486
00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:23,307
I'D SOONER HAVE HAD
A WASHING MACHINE.
487
00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:25,175
THERE YOU ARE. THERE
YOU ARE, YOU SEE?
488
00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:26,510
AND WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING ONE?
489
00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:28,846
'CAUSE HE CAN'T SHOW
IT OFF AT A DANCE.
490
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:32,550
IF YOU WANT A WASHING MACHINE,
I'LL BUY YOU A WASHING MACHINE.
491
00:22:32,618 --> 00:22:34,229
I DO WANT A WASHING MACHINE.
492
00:22:34,253 --> 00:22:37,822
TAKE OFF THAT STUPID
DRESS, FOR A START.
493
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:41,158
YOU LOOK LIKE A GREAT
BIG STUFFED TURKEY.
494
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:45,730
OH! WHAT A HORRIBLE
THING TO SAY.
495
00:22:45,798 --> 00:22:48,265
OH, WE'RE GETTING THE
TRUTH NOW, AREN'T WE?
496
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:51,034
YOU NEVER LOVED ME ANYWAY!
497
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:53,671
NO, HE DIDN'T!
498
00:22:53,740 --> 00:22:55,005
TYPICAL, TYPICAL.
499
00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:56,354
ONE WORD OUT OF PLACE,
500
00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:58,449
AND SHE TURNS THE WATERWORKS ON!
501
00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:00,944
YOU CAN GO TO THE DANCE ALONE!
502
00:23:01,013 --> 00:23:03,947
OH, I SHALL GO TO THE
DANCE, BUT I SHAN'T GO ALONE!
503
00:23:04,016 --> 00:23:05,383
OH!
504
00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:08,352
OH, THE TRUTH'S
COMING OUT NOW, ISN'T IT?
505
00:23:08,421 --> 00:23:11,221
IT'S THAT GIRL ON
THE COMPTOMETER!
506
00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:12,923
IT ALL ADDS UP!
507
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:15,325
MADAM MUSTN'T
JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
508
00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:18,863
SHE DOESN'T NEED A £95
DRESS TO SHOW HERSELF OFF!
509
00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:22,199
I DON'T NEED A £95 DRESS EITHER!
510
00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:24,935
- I HATE IT!
- OH MY GOD!
511
00:23:25,004 --> 00:23:28,238
I HATE IT! AAH!
512
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:29,918
WE'LL HAVE TO
CHARGE YOU FOR THAT.
513
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:31,820
YOU'VE JUST RUINED A
PERFECTLY GOOD DRESS.
514
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:34,189
YOU'VE JUST RUINED A
PERFECTLY GOOD MARRIAGE.
515
00:23:34,213 --> 00:23:36,313
JUST LIKE
"CROSSROADS," ISN'T IT?
516
00:23:44,223 --> 00:23:47,057
OH, MR. GRACE. THIS IS
INDEED AN HONOR, SIR.
517
00:23:47,126 --> 00:23:49,337
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
518
00:23:49,361 --> 00:23:51,595
OH, CHECKING THE TAKINGS, SIR.
519
00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:54,598
THE NEW SCHEME WAS GOING
VERY WELL UNTIL THIS AFTERNOON,
520
00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:58,702
THEN, FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE
REASON, THEY DROPPED OFF.
521
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,805
WHAT DROPPED OFF?
522
00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:03,106
THE TAKINGS.
523
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:05,876
WE'RE STILL £20 SHORT
ON LAST MONDAY'S TOTAL.
524
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:08,345
YES, WELL, I CAN'T
GO BACK ON MY WORD.
525
00:24:08,414 --> 00:24:11,782
IF THE FIGURES DON'T
IMPROVE, THE SCHEME'S OFF.
526
00:24:11,851 --> 00:24:14,051
WE'VE STILL GOT A
LITTLE TIME TO GO, SIR.
527
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,888
YES, WELL, AT THE END OF THE
DAY, COME BACK HERE TO MY OFFICE
528
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:20,491
AND PUT THE FIGURES
HERE ON MY DESK.
529
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,927
EXCUSE ME, SIR, THIS
IS NOT YOUR OFFICE.
530
00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:25,429
THIS IS MY OFFICE.
THIS IS MY DESK.
531
00:24:26,999 --> 00:24:30,067
OH... THAT'S YOUR WIFE, THEN?
532
00:24:31,971 --> 00:24:33,403
YES, SIR.
533
00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:36,039
THANK GOD FOR THAT.
534
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,776
FIVE MINUTES TO GO.
535
00:24:38,845 --> 00:24:41,545
I DON'T THINK I COULD LIVE
THROUGH ANOTHER DAY LIKE THIS.
536
00:24:41,614 --> 00:24:44,582
I'VE LOST 8 POUNDS...
IN COMMISSION.
537
00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:46,394
I THOUGHT IT WAS
A BIT CHEEKY, MIND,
538
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:49,587
THE WAY YOU TOLD THAT ARAB YOU
THOUGHT THEY WERE JEWISH UMBRELLAS.
539
00:24:51,691 --> 00:24:54,102
MR. GRAINGER,
MR. HUMPHRIES, CUSTOMER.
540
00:24:54,126 --> 00:24:57,272
BLIMEY. IF HE WANTS ANYTHING
MORE THAN A SHIRT STUD, SHOOT HIM.
541
00:24:57,296 --> 00:24:58,696
LEAVE HIM TO ME.
542
00:24:58,764 --> 00:24:59,975
CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?
543
00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:02,366
THANK YOU. I'D LIKE A RAINCOAT.
544
00:25:02,434 --> 00:25:05,614
WE DON'T SELL MANY OF THOSE THESE
DAYS, SIR. WHAT DO YOU WANT IT FOR?
545
00:25:05,638 --> 00:25:08,372
TO KEEP OUT THE RAIN.
546
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,586
WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY
THAT'LL KEEP OUT THE RAIN.
547
00:25:10,610 --> 00:25:13,110
WE'VE GOT ONE OR TWO
THAT MIGHT STRAIN IT FOR YOU.
548
00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:15,345
IF YOU REALLY WANT
TO KEEP OUT THE RAIN,
549
00:25:15,414 --> 00:25:18,326
YOU OUGHT TO GO TO THE YACHTING
DEPARTMENT AND GET AN OILSKIN.
550
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:21,051
I DO USE AN UMBRELLA.
551
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:25,322
I'D LIKE THE RAINCOAT I
SAW IN THE WINDOW FOR £28.
552
00:25:25,391 --> 00:25:27,369
AH, THAT RANGE HAS
BEEN MARKED UP TO 40.
553
00:25:27,393 --> 00:25:28,592
OH.
554
00:25:28,661 --> 00:25:30,160
OH, I SEE.
555
00:25:30,229 --> 00:25:31,406
SORRY I CAN'T OBLIGE.
556
00:25:31,430 --> 00:25:33,764
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. GOOD DAY.
557
00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:36,433
WELL DONE, MR. HUMPHRIES.
558
00:25:36,502 --> 00:25:38,268
LOOK OUT.
559
00:25:38,337 --> 00:25:39,970
EXCUSE ME?
560
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:43,140
WHY CAN'T I HAVE THAT ONE IN
THE WINDOW THAT'S MARKED 28?
561
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:44,909
- WHAT SIZE ARE YOU, SIR?
- 40.
562
00:25:44,977 --> 00:25:47,389
THAT'S A 34, YOU SEE.
THAT'S WHY IT'S GOING CHEAP.
563
00:25:47,413 --> 00:25:49,046
OH.
564
00:25:49,114 --> 00:25:50,814
I SEE.
565
00:25:51,851 --> 00:25:53,984
WELL DONE, MR. LUCAS.
566
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,588
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
567
00:25:59,425 --> 00:26:02,593
I SUPPOSE IF THEY'VE ALL GONE
UP, THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
568
00:26:02,662 --> 00:26:05,563
- I'LL TAKE ONE FOR £40.
- RAINCOAT RAIL, MR. LUCAS.
569
00:26:05,631 --> 00:26:07,765
IT'S ALL RIGHT. JUST
WRAP IT UP. I'LL TAKE IT.
570
00:26:07,833 --> 00:26:09,244
NO, SIR, YOU MUST TRY IT ON.
571
00:26:09,268 --> 00:26:11,936
IT'S MORE THAN MY JOB'S WORTH
TO LET YOU LEAVE THE DEPARTMENT
572
00:26:12,004 --> 00:26:13,715
WITHOUT TRYING
IT ON. HERE WE ARE.
573
00:26:13,739 --> 00:26:15,706
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
574
00:26:15,775 --> 00:26:17,140
THERE.
575
00:26:17,209 --> 00:26:18,776
NOW, THEN.
576
00:26:18,844 --> 00:26:21,812
OH, JUST LOOK AT THAT
TERRIBLE STITCHING.
577
00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:24,593
HOW COULD THEY LET IT OUT
OF THE WORKROOM LIKE THAT?
578
00:26:24,617 --> 00:26:26,361
YOU MAY WELL ASK, MR. LUCAS.
579
00:26:26,385 --> 00:26:28,229
I HAVE TO ASK, MR. HUMPHRIES.
580
00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:31,488
WE HAVE A SACRED TRUST
TOWARDS OUR CUSTOMERS.
581
00:26:31,557 --> 00:26:33,717
LOOK AT THAT. UNEVEN SLEEVES.
582
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:40,631
I ALWAYS HAVE THIS TROUBLE.
MY ARMS ARE UNEVEN.
583
00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:42,600
I'M USED TO IT, YOU KNOW.
584
00:26:42,668 --> 00:26:44,068
ARE YOU?
585
00:26:44,136 --> 00:26:45,647
LET'S CONSIDER THE COLOR, THEN.
586
00:26:45,671 --> 00:26:47,911
YOU CAN'T WEAR THAT
COLOR WITH THAT COLOR HAIR.
587
00:26:47,974 --> 00:26:50,752
OF COURSE, THE GENTLEMAN COULD
CHANGE THE COLOR OF HIS HAIR.
588
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,543
I AGREE WITH YOU,
BUT MY WIFE INSISTS
589
00:26:53,613 --> 00:26:55,079
I WEAR CLOTHES THIS COLOR.
590
00:26:55,147 --> 00:26:57,092
THE GENTLEMAN
COULD CHANGE HIS WIFE.
591
00:26:57,116 --> 00:26:59,917
YEAH, I TRIED TO,
BUT SHE DIDN'T LIKE IT.
592
00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:01,852
NO, IT'LL DO FINE.
GO ON, WRAP IT UP.
593
00:27:01,921 --> 00:27:05,000
- DESPITE THE FACT
IT'S THE WRONG COLOR?
- AND IT ISN'T WATERPROOF?
594
00:27:05,024 --> 00:27:07,457
YES, JUST WRAP IT
UP. AND I MUST SAY,
595
00:27:07,526 --> 00:27:10,560
I'M REALLY MOST IMPRESSED
WITH YOUR HONESTY.
596
00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:13,563
ONE WOULD THINK YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO SELL ME AN OVERCOAT.
597
00:27:15,001 --> 00:27:17,968
THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'VE GOT A FAT FACE,
598
00:27:18,037 --> 00:27:22,339
PIGGY EYES... AND A
PIMPLE ON YOUR NOSE.
599
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,848
YOU YOUNG SALESMEN
JUST DON'T KNOW
600
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:34,217
HOW NOT TO SELL CLOTHES.
601
00:27:34,286 --> 00:27:36,453
MR. GRAINGER, ARE YOU FREE?
602
00:27:36,522 --> 00:27:38,399
YES, I'M FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
603
00:27:38,423 --> 00:27:40,791
A CUSTOMER HAS JUST
COMPLAINED TO ME THAT YOU SAID
604
00:27:40,860 --> 00:27:44,427
HE HAD A FAT FACE, PIGGY
EYES, AND A PIMPLE ON HIS NOSE.
605
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:47,330
CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
606
00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:50,500
AM I THE SORT OF MAN WHO
WOULD TELL A CUSTOMER
607
00:27:50,569 --> 00:27:55,873
HE HAD A FAT FACE, PIGGY
EYES, AND A PIMPLE ON HIS NOSE?
608
00:27:55,941 --> 00:28:00,010
NO, OF COURSE NOT,
ERNEST. I'M SORRY.
609
00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:01,478
THANK YOU.
610
00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:06,083
( theme music plays )
611
00:28:09,789 --> 00:28:12,600
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
612
00:28:12,624 --> 00:28:15,592
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
613
00:28:15,661 --> 00:28:16,927
♪ GOING UP... ♪
614
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,267
♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
615
00:28:24,336 --> 00:28:26,804
♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES... ♪
616
00:28:26,872 --> 00:28:28,271
♪ GOING UP... ♪
617
00:28:33,012 --> 00:28:35,813
♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS,
TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪
618
00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:38,448
♪ MATERIAL, SOFT FURNISHING,
RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪
619
00:28:38,517 --> 00:28:40,017
♪ GOING DOWN... ♪
620
00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:47,290
♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
621
00:28:47,359 --> 00:28:49,960
SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES... ♪
622
00:28:50,029 --> 00:28:51,461
♪ GOING UP. ♪